Thursday March 17, 2005
Â· You know that scene in the movies where the dorky science teenager tries really hard to be cool at a party? That’s my life. Bad Science reader Frank Swain also proved his mettle on the dancefloor when he was given a can of Shark. “This was a Red Bull clone handed to me by underdressed women at a club. It claims to be derived from ‘traditional Thai Recipes’ and the literature with the samples states: ‘The dextrose in Shark comes entirely from grape sugar, which in turn improves the quality of the other carbohydrates, and rapidly increases your energy levels.’
Â· “Exactly how it improves the quality of other carbohydrates isn’t explained, and the girls handing out the drink didn’t know either.” Yes! Another victory for the cool scientists. Then the hot chicks gave him another classic opener: “The high quality composition of Shark is supplemented by B complex vitamins and the essential protein Lysine.” Hmm, says Frank. “If they don’t know the difference between proteins and amino acids…” Yes! Take that, hot chicks! Who says scientists don’t rock the ladies?
Â· Meanwhile, reader Chris Williams sends in an advert from Limited Edition, the “Hertfordshire County Magazine”, for Dr Eggers’s Hypoxi weight loss pod, an egg-shaped capsule with a neoprene vacuum seal around the waist: apparently, pedalling with your legs and bottom in a low-pressure environment is a good thing. “Dr Eggers’ clinical trials show up to a 300% reduction in size on problem areas through Hypoxi Therapy.” I’m seeing large women riding children’s bicycles with stabilisers.
Â· Little did I realise when I wrote about scary Penta’s ASA battering that there was a whole scene for people hanging out on the ASA website complaining about each other. Ecos Paints had an objection against it by the Green Building Store upheld, for its “100% natural paints” that contained, er, synthetic ingredients. Since then, it has launched into a bitter cycle of accusations resulting in rulings against the Green Building Store, the Good Earth Catalogue Company, and others. Comrades, please, what about the wider struggle? But check out Ecos Paints’s unchallenged EMR/ELF Radiation Shielding Wallpaint: “Brick and concrete walls are no barrier to EMR-ELF radiation and next door’s TV set or microwave oven could be just feet away from your head! Ecos EMR/ELF shielding wallpaint gives up to 99% shielding against ELF/VLF/EMR radiations.” You’d better paint over your windows, too…