That Awful Poo Lady

May 31st, 2006 by Ben Goldacre in bad science, gillian mckeith, nutritionists | 45 Comments »

I feel dirty just linking to it.

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45 Responses



  1. Fyse said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:03 am

    Oh god. I feel violated.

  2. Vunderbar said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:10 am

    ROFLMAO

  3. raygirvan said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:17 am

    In an earlier thread, Kess said “Uh-oh. Look out for the Gillian McKeith Song Book at a store near you soon…”

    Now there’s a depth of scatological parody waiting to be plumbed: e.g. Boney M’s “Show me your motion Tra la la la la Come on show me your motion Tra la la la la la”.

  4. Ben Goldacre said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:20 am

    “hot poop” by frank zappa?

    “oh shit” by the buzzcocks?

    “mr hanky the christmas poo” from south park?

  5. raygirvan said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:24 am

    P.S. Interesting little sartorial conceit on the back of that red dress: presumably tailored to hide the scoliosis?

  6. Ben Goldacre said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:30 am

    “people = shit” by slipknot?

  7. j said,

    May 31, 2006 at 10:47 am

    Eightball/MJG – “We started the shit, and we gon’ finish the shit” (http://www.lyricsplanet.com/index.php3?style=lyrics&id=32410)

    God McKeith is looking older all of a sudden…ugh – thank god that vid was only on a small screen, anyway.

  8. Paul said,

    May 31, 2006 at 11:00 am

    Itchypoo Park – Small Faeces

  9. profnick said,

    May 31, 2006 at 11:14 am

    Stones fans will be familiar with: (I can’t get no) Scatisfaction, Brown Sugar, Little Red Pooster ………

    this will run and run.

  10. Adam said,

    May 31, 2006 at 11:16 am

    @Ben: I for one would pay good money to see Ms McKeith attempt to cover slipknot.

    @Paul: *groan*

  11. Mr Gruff said,

    May 31, 2006 at 11:22 am

    Sharon Osbourne: “I know you’re not a singer…”

    Lady, I think we *all* know that she’s not a singer.

  12. ACH said,

    May 31, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    Jeez, Ben, how could you do this to us, your loyal readers?

    I fast forwarded over the “performance” after the first couple of lines, just to see if she got the savaging she deservded from the judges. Sadly, they seemed to be disposed to be kind.

    She didn’t even seem to know what the charity she was allegedly singing for does – but I suspect the real “charity” was the “keep McKeith on TV at any price foundation”.

    A colleague of mine tells me she was so awful last night she was evicted, but apparently is coming back on the last night to sing (is that the right word?) Pussycat Dolls. God help us all.

  13. interbreeding said,

    May 31, 2006 at 1:15 pm

    Dude, what the hell is wrong with British people?

  14. Stu said,

    May 31, 2006 at 1:20 pm

    Should drum up some business for her – it’s enough to make me want to shit in a tuppaware dish.

  15. Evil Kao Chiu said,

    May 31, 2006 at 1:33 pm

    Well, well: it turns out that Zelda from the Terrahawks isn’t dead after all.

  16. Delster said,

    May 31, 2006 at 2:35 pm

    interbreeding,

    don;t go blaming us brits…. i’m fairly sure it was the yanks that invented reality TV…. it’s not our fault people are dumb enough to jump on the bank wagon… sorry band wagon is *of course* what i meant

  17. kim said,

    May 31, 2006 at 3:31 pm

    She’s also featured in a state of partial undress in this week’s Closer. Not that I buy Closer, of course, just flicking through it in the newsagent’s. Ahem.

  18. Robert Carnegie said,

    May 31, 2006 at 3:52 pm

    I think it’s in Glasgow vernacular that “YouTube” has been for many years an insult. I wonder if it’s synonymous with prat, berk, &c.

  19. Ben Goldacre said,

    May 31, 2006 at 5:22 pm

    brilliantly this has turned into yet another swearing thread,

    to go with

    http://www.badscience.net/?p=238

    and

    http://www.badscience.net/?p=228

    i salute your collective sweariness!

  20. Organic Potatoes said,

    May 31, 2006 at 7:15 pm

    “Stones fans will be familiar with: (I can’t get no) Scatisfaction, Brown Sugar, Little Red Pooster ………”

    Don’t forget Turd On The Run

  21. pv said,

    May 31, 2006 at 8:46 pm

    I hope it was on after the watershed. Behind the shed would be better. That was really horrid and she is una cagna brutta.
    The best bit her introduction in which she described herself as a “no-nonsense tv nutritionist”. It would have been more accurate if she’d omitted the “no”. And since when did tvs need nutrition.

  22. jimyojimbo said,

    May 31, 2006 at 9:00 pm

    Is it just my machine, or is the sound off-synch with the images, rendering even more grotesque?

  23. Mork said,

    June 1, 2006 at 6:49 am

    I agree jimyojimbo, the sound and vision seem to be out of sync.

    Could just about bear to watch the talky bit at the beginning. Once she started “singing” I couldn’t hack it (and I couldn’t stop thinking “this woman examines people’s faeces for a living”). I didn’t wait to see what the judges said but she was waaay off the note all the way through the twenty seconds that I managed.

  24. pinguin said,

    June 1, 2006 at 7:47 am

    Robert, “you tube” does indeed mean “you idiot” in Glaswegian.

    Anyways, as to the poo lady, it really reminded me of the video clip of Carol Smillie singing “Don’t Get Me Wrong” on some Scottish Saturday night light entertainment show from the 90s. Is there any new television in the world?

  25. JQH said,

    June 1, 2006 at 8:56 am

    Sharon Osborne did say “You are what you eat, that was salmonella”

  26. JQH said,

    June 1, 2006 at 12:09 pm

    If they film her life story, will it be called “Close Encounters of the Turd Kind”?

  27. JQH said,

    June 2, 2006 at 8:57 am

    As for her songbook, how about

    “Crazy for Poo” by Madonna (I think) or

    “There’ll never be another Poo” by Frank Sinatra

  28. AJH said,

    June 2, 2006 at 11:59 am

    Nothing compares 2 Poo – Prince/mad baldy bint
    I got Poo under my skin – Ol’ Poo Eyes
    My Koo-Ka-Poo – Alvin Stardirt
    Do you want Poo – Franz Turdinand

    Another sweary thread – deep joy!

  29. Dr Aust said,

    June 2, 2006 at 2:48 pm

    Hmmm

    Thanks for putting this up – sitting here in my Ivory Tower contemplating the latest disastrous pay non-deal and wondering if it was time to go home yet, and then the forum comments made me laugh out loud. Three times. Believe me, it takes a lot to do that in a modern University.

    However…..

    can’t believe no-one has suggested as “Dr” McPoo’s theme song:

    “It ain’t what you poo it’s the way that you poo it”

    ..that’s what get’s results.

    Which says it all, really.

    Of course, talking digestion and McKeith-style roughage, one should also bow to the Rolling Stones and make the point that, solid matter aside, “It’s a gas gas gas”.

  30. AitchJay said,

    June 2, 2006 at 3:13 pm

    A poo poo poo, a ca ca ca – The Police
    I only have eyes for poo – Harry Plonk Jr

    Do you think she was wearing a girdle?

    Oh, and the song she sang –
    I just wanna say, I love your poo, love your poo, love your poo etc

  31. AitchJay said,

    June 2, 2006 at 3:25 pm

    I just watched it again: her voice would be better suited to a Janis Joplin song..
    maybe –
    Peice of my stool
    Me and Ploppy McGee
    Poo (just a little bit harder)

  32. Dr* T said,

    June 2, 2006 at 4:08 pm

    She should have done a Eurovision homage and sung

    “Poo…Ah! Just a little bit”, by Gina G

    (Also
    Poo-poo-pe-doo – Betty Poo.
    Richard the Turd – Supergrass
    Piece of Crap – Neil Young
    About a bog – Badly Drawn Bog….)

  33. MissPrism said,

    June 3, 2006 at 1:38 am

    Itchy-Poo Park by the Small Faeces.

  34. MissPrism said,

    June 3, 2006 at 2:01 am

    AAARGH! I just watched it.

    I don’t want you
    to eat no pies
    I think you can
    Photosynthesise
    Though I haven’t
    Got a clue
    I just want to look at your poo,
    At your poo, at your poo.

    I’m a doctor,
    of a kind
    Ph.D I
    Bought online
    Now I tell you
    What to chew
    And now I get to look at your poo
    At your poo, ahh, at your poo.

    And I can tell by the way your faeces sinks
    And I can tell by the way your faeces stinks
    And I can tell by the way that your faeces looks
    That you oughta keep buying my deluded books

    I can sell you
    Things to eat
    Made of seaweed
    and raw baked wheat
    Cos I’ll settle
    For your spew
    But I’d prefer to look at your poo
    At your poo, oooo, at your poo.

    You can watch me
    On the box
    You can pay me
    For detox
    What I tell you
    Isn’t true
    But it keeps me looking at your poo
    At your poo, MMMMM at your poo

  35. foggy said,

    June 3, 2006 at 2:51 pm

    I was hoping for a Black Eyed Peas cover:

    “My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
    My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)”

  36. JQH said,

    June 3, 2006 at 11:46 pm

    I think MissPrism wins!!

  37. Tristan said,

    June 4, 2006 at 12:45 pm

    I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned “cuckoo for caca” by Faith No More yet!

    here’s an extract from the lyrics:

    “‘cos shit lives forever
    shit lives forever

    We’ll retire with a turd on our lips
    Under a pair of knowing eyes
    I’m gonna take a few down with me
    And drop my good side”

    Mike Patton (ex-FNM singer) actually used to eat a little bit of his own shit every day.

  38. Paul said,

    June 4, 2006 at 7:39 pm

    Oi

    miss prism – look at post 8

    This is pure plagiarism. Who are you really? Raj Persaud?

  39. Dr* T said,

    June 5, 2006 at 8:45 am

    “Stool crazy after all these years” – Paul Simon

  40. Dave Green said,

    June 7, 2006 at 3:16 pm

    ‘Ave a Poo- Black Lace

  41. Robert Carnegie said,

    June 10, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    Anything by Jobbie WIlliams.

    The Feeling performing “Coprophilia Little World”.

    You know you could tell us to stop.

  42. Dr* T said,

    June 11, 2006 at 8:12 am

    “Dung Poo Fightin’” – Bustop

  43. MissPrism said,

    June 13, 2006 at 12:09 pm

    In case anyone’s interested, I and the other collaborators on the “I just want to look at your poo” song all just got this email:

    Dear Sir / Madam,

    With reference to the recent posting on your website featuring Dr Gillian McKeith, please remove all instances of this flash movie and mp3 audio from your website. The content in these media files is both defamatory and libellous and if they are not removed immediately from all sites concerned further legal action will be taken.

    Yours Faithfully,

    McKeith Research Ltd

  44. swheelz said,

    August 22, 2006 at 4:18 pm

    McKeith Research??? What research?

    I can’t seem to find anything on PubMed by anyone called ‘McKeith G’. How strange.

    Would someone at this centre of excellence that is McKeith Research Ltd point me towards peer-reviewed papers on ‘Relationships between Turd Consistency and Colour with the Incidence of Chronic Disease’? I am extremely concerned about my recent deterioration in poo quality and need some professional expertise. Also, to what address should I send them?

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